14 things that are weirdly terrifying...
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Date Posted:
May-18-2010 08:00
15
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Masked gunmen and tsunamis: accepted terrors. But you didn't see these coming...
14. Ventriloquists’ dummiesIt moved. You’re sure it moved.
13. Getting in a lift with your bossWhat if you fart? What if he farts? Do you play it cool, or fill the ballooning silence with toadying platitudes? And why the f__k do you have to work on the 32nd floor?
12. Walking in a store with something you can buy there“They’ll take my word for it, won’t they? And surely if they scan the barcode they’ll realise that I bought this somewhere else, right? I’m too pretty to go to jail...”
11. Cats suddenly staring at nothingAs you sit snugly in the armchair, Sir Fluffington purrs softly in your lap. Perfect. Until he suddenly jumps up, stares at the door and dashes out the cat flap. Probably nothing, right? Or, you know, just his super-sensitive cat ears hearing a portal to the netherworld wrenching open in the cupboard under the stairs. Sir Fluffington?
10. Your doorbell ringingWhat? No one ever rings the doorbell. Even friends phone from the front path. Maybe it’s like that crazy-eyed bloke at the traffic lights told you: a government death squad. Or what if it’s a baby? Worse: a space baby that can ring doorbells and wants to live with you! Or, maybe, the police telling you your mum’s dead. You haven’t even got any pants on. You can’t take that news naked. Best hide in the garden until they’ve gone.
9. TequilaIt’s the defining moment of every night on the piss: tequila o’clock. Down one road lies a kebab, a taxi, a cranky girlfriend and a comfy couch. Down t’other: strippers, fights, two trips to the ATM and being woken up on a bench by the road sweeper.
Independence, neighbours and shopping...