It's not a sport, Sport
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Date Posted:
February-16-2010 16:43
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By Nick Kraegen
At FHM we love sport – but we don’t love non-sports that masquerade as sports.
That’s why the generally awesome winter Olympics have been pissing us off; because figure skating, freestyle skiing and snowboarding are not sports. There, we said it.
A sport, in our humble view, is a skilled endeavour where success can be definitively and objectively measured. But figure skating, freestyle skiing and snowboarding are physical activities in which victory is determined by a panel of people.
Sure, points are awarded for various manoeuvres and tricks, but when it comes down to it, the winner is basically the guy they like the most.
That’s how school eisteddfods are decided. That’s how you choose a new car. That’s how Australian Idol sorts the talentless from the slightly more talentless. None of these things are sports.
A sport where the victor is chosen cannot be a sport. What a sport needs is a set of specific and measurable rules. It doesn’t matter if those rules are arbitrary or ridiculous.
American football is the type of thing a remedial class of 10-year-olds might invent if you left them outside on a hot day with three kilos of sugar. But there is an agreed system of scoring that leaves little room for debate about the eventual winner. Without touchdowns, conversions and field goals, American football would be nothing more than a kind of land-bound, shoulder-padded synchronised swimming.
And we’re not having a crack at winter sports because we’re shit at snowboarding (although we are). Points decisions in boxing are also blatantly unfair. Matches should continue until one competitor can’t stand up or loses bowel control. Because that’s the only way we can be sure. Without that, it’s just a popularity contest; nothing more than a subjective, finger-in-the-wind guess.
And while we’re at it, here are a list of other activities whose claim to sports-hood is dubious at best:
• Gymnastics
• Diving
• Dressage
• Synchronised swimming
• Surfing
• Horse racing (okay, technically a sport, but one whose outcome is less important than the amount of money won or lost – let’s just lump it in with playing the pokies and be done with it)
What do you think? Objectivity at all costs? Or would you hate to see the bendy, lycra-clad skaters and gymnasts disappear from the Olympic experience?
Related links: (also things that seem like sport but really aren't)
Hottest Olympic athletes
Allan Border Medal red carpet gallery
Australian sports WAGs