Who wears short shorts?
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Date Posted:
January-29-2010 14:16
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By David Cotsios
I think we’re sending the kids mixed messages about what short shorts mean to the honest, hard-working Australian man.
Take this story here.
Brisbane cabinet maker Mark Owen has been accused of deliberately exposing his penis through the bottom of his scandalously skimpy work shorts. He is also charged with masturbating in front of three women, “often calling the women into the kitchen area where he was working and smiling at them when they realised what he was doing.”
Now before you jump to any conclusions about the shorts, let’s consider who’s really on trial here. Amongst the claims are that Owen took a swim in a woman’s pool, towelled off naked, then masturbated naked on the kitchen floor. The victim reports fleeing the house, only to observe Owens through an open door, bent to his labours nude.
Whilst one cannot fault his dedication to his craft – soldiering on sans pants – we must ask ourselves how any of this friggin’ fruit-cakery is the shorts’ fault. The judge ordered them to be destroyed for the love of all that is holy!
It is also important to note that, like FHM Chief Sub-Editor Dan Poole, Mark Owen is English.
The shorts are the real victim here; the shorts and the ladies.
Tradies used to love a good pair of shorts; now it seems like only the perverted ones are using them, more as an erotic-theatrical prop than anything else.
A quick perusal of the RSVP dating website’s ‘Hottest Tradie’ competition shows a lot of ripped abs and douchey hair-dos, but a disturbing lack of that hallmark of the Aussie tradesman: the King Gee short pant.
Have we as a nation become so self-conscious about what some know-it-all fashion gurus think that we pass up the second most lethal weapon in a man’s lady-wooing arsenal next to the dinner suit?
What’s the matter? Some loud-mouthed broad on the 7PM Project spouting worn-out clichés regarding "workman’s crack" with Dave Bloody Hughes got you too scared to unleash the most underrated part of man, the upper thigh?
Trust me: a well-fitted pair of these bad boys are like catnip to the girls.
Maybe some people need a little trip down to Melbourne to watch the AFL boys training to remember what sexy is all about. Women can act the idiot over the dudes in beach volleyball and tennis; AFL is just big muscular men out on the pitch looking beautiful in the heat of battle.
That’s right: beautiful.
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